In the middle of it
I’m not sure how to start this, which probably says a lot.
I think I’ve spent so much time holding things in that putting them down feels unfamiliar, like trying to speak a language I used to know.
Lately, I’ve been feeling everything all at once and nothing at all, which makes no sense unless you’ve felt it too. I go through my day doing the things: answering the emails, washing the dishes, smiling when people talk to me, but underneath, there’s this low hum of I’m not okay that never really goes away.
I think I'm grieving, but not in the traditional sense. Nothing huge happened. It’s more like a slow leak, the kind of sadness that builds over time when you’ve been pretending too long. When you keep telling yourself “it’s fine” even when your body knows it’s not.
Writing this doesn’t fix anything. But it feels like I’ve let something out that was stuck.
And that matters.
If you’re reading this and it resonates, I don’t have advice, really. But I do want to say this:
You’re not too much. Or too slow. Or too late.
Some of us are just moving through things a little more quietly. That’s okay.
Thanks for holding this letter,
-Anonymous
